Speed Dating, take 1- Pt 1

A few weeks back I received an email from one of the local speed dating groups here in Dallas.  The event started at 8:00 and was held at Blue Mesa in Addison.  Going into the event I thought best case scenario I meet someone awesome and worse case scenario I have a story for my dating blog.  We were able to take notes and here's what happened.

7:50- I go to the bar to order a dos equis.  The skinny sales man guy next to me orders a shot of crown and a beer.  He takes the shot, psyches himself up by saying some Tony Robbins "yes, yes, yes" motivational bullshit and then goes over to the coral of guys waiting to be assigned their first station.  How did I know he was in sales you ask?  His shirt and pants were immaculately pressed while his shoes looked like dog shit 10 year old payless plastic shoes.  You can always tell a salesman from his shoes.  They young guys spend money on the shirt and pants and slack off on those shoes since they figure the shoes aren't that important when you are sitting at a desk all day.

8:05- the host comes over and has us circle up now that the girls seated.  He looks right at a black dude and says "Who is my most brave guy here".  I raise my hand and say me.  Nobody else has their hand raised and he looks at me and laughs, shakes his head and says "OK".  He leads me to an average looking girl with auburn hair and slightly more pale than I.  We have about 10 minutes before the official start and start talking any way.

8:08- Three minutes in and apparently we've reached the comfort level in our relationship where she says "I'm not racist but..."  Every white person in their life has heard this phrase at least once.  and it's ALWAYS followed up by something racist.

8:10- The actual speed dating starts and we're now into the "third quarter of her her life" (her words and my math is kind of fuzzy about how we're in the 3rd quarter of her life) when she turned 22 and was working in North Carolina at the Verizon store as an assistant manager.  The only thing I've said at this point was "uh-huh" and "yeah".

What feels like 2 years and 16 min later- bell rings and I move to the next table.  The guy in front of me is late 30's- early 40's and in pretty decent shape and over 6'.  He's also wearing an Affliction shirt, true religion jeans, and pointy dress shoes.  That makes me feel slightly better and upbeat as I move on I also notice the sales guy is moving tables after me and I kind of pity him for what's in store.
I sit down to someone who looks annoyed at me and I haven't spoken a word yet.  She stares at me with a bored look and doesn't say anything.  I learn a few things about her; She loves Queen, David Bowie, Glam Rock, and the movie Labyrinth.  She also used to manage my friend Denato at work and when the connection is made she says "Denato, he's such a FUCKING guido!"  That about explains how the next 16 minutes goes.

3rd stop- A very nice conversation and we had a lot in common.

4th- She's very attractive and right off the bat we hit it off.  A few minutes in I learn she just moved here 5 months ago from Arkansas and it explains why she's so cool.  Dallas hasn't corrupted her yet and I like the way things are going.  She's also here with one of her friends but she won't say who.  We talk about mountain biking, trail running, craft beer, and red wine.  Check mark to that one

5th- She's a ballet and ice skating instructor who has a twin in her home state.  And she wants a kid.  and she wants a kid real soon.  Her twin just had a kid and she wants one.  Did I mention she wants a kid, because she sure did.  I'm trying not to breathe to hard in case she's already taking hormone treatments and pre-natal vitamins.   I tune out and notice the sales guy's spill about his job and I hear him say "It pays the bills" for the 5th time in a row.

6th- There is an empty bud light, an empty rocks glass, empty martini glass, and an empty shot glass.  This is going to be fun.  She's from San Antonio and before we get any further the waiter brings her a vodka soda.  Instantly I'm sad.  I can see this train wreck coming and I'm sad.  I don't want to be at the front of this line, I want to be here when she's fucked up dropping c bombs and talking word salad through glassy eyes.  She slurs into over enunciating  the word Guatemala like when a white person is at a bar talking about how he joined the peace corp after college and built drinking purification centers in Guth-A-Mala and followed by "Dos shots of TeQey-La por favor".  Alas, I have to move on and I won't get to see 40 year old virgin recreated in person...

A Slow Death

The last interview I did was up for less than 24 hours.  The girl I interviewed freaked out and wanted me to remove all her pictures but to keep up the interview.  It wasn't right away, it was after some adult figure mentioned something to her about possible future employers being able to google search her info.  I tried to explain to her that her name wasn't used and in the field she's in no respective employer is going to or will spend the cash to do an image search.  When that didn't work I tried to explain that liberal arts mediums don't care what their $29.5K interns do on rarely red, badly written blogs.  That didn't work.  So now I'm pretty much out of will volunteers.  My friend Cat wants to interview me on video and do a dating deal on YouTube but I don't really see that taking hold.  You'd need a perspective pool of women and we've tapped that market out.  You'd figure with my standards being Hispanc, dark/ black hair, skinny, and large hoop earrings I'd be set in Texas.  But I'm not Mexican so that isn't working out.  I'll hit Cat up this week and see if I can get her to do the interview or if the video thing is a possibility.  If that fails this one will die a slow death...

Karen & Dane

Nate refers to Karen as the Honey Badger.  She has innate ability to be stone faced 24/7 without showing any emotion.... As long as alcohol isn't present.  Once you give her a drink or two the most beautiful smile comes out.  When she's comfortable with you her face brightens up with excitement and you instantly feel the warmth of the glow she projects around her.  At only twenty-three Karen is the youngest person that I've interviewed for this little project.  We met on a Monday at Mr. Sushi in Addison and I wasn't the slightest bit prepared; I left my laptop at the house and used a voice recorder without looking at any of the previous questions.  I'm also the biggest fat kid when it comes to sushi (or any kind of food) and that definitely distracted me from focusing on the my questions.  We started off strong and then we trailed more into comedy and how much she hates Dane Cook.

B: What's the worst date you've ever been on?
K:  Where I just want to get out there?
B: Or where you just didn't click
K: There was one...
B: What made it so bad?
K: It was poor planning on his part.  He wasn't creative at all about it.  The whole dinner and a movie thing is lame.  Plus, not to judge, but he didn't have a car so I had to pick him up.
B:  Did you know that beforehand?
K:  I kind of knew about it beforehand but I didn't really think about it.
B:  You thought maybe he'd borrow one?
K;  I don't know, it just didn't seem like anything worked from the start.  nothing worked about it.

B: Best date?
K: We went to a comedy club.  we didn't really do anything special afterwards but I thought he really put forth the effort into finding something I wanted to do and what I like.  We went to a comedy club and saw Chris Reid from House Party.  Afterwards we had a lot of stuff to talk about and that made it better.

B: What about the perfect date?
K:  ...hmmm......It would probably be something like a concert or shared interest
B: Like Michael Bolton and something...
K: Michael Bolton... yeah, you got me (laughing).  Even a bad concert would be fun.  We could be laughing and drinking at how bad it is.  I also like spontaneity and then have something that we could do afterwards and figure it out, just kind of go with the flow.

B: So what are turnoffs:
K:  Someone that talks about himself a lot.  It's annoying regardless but even more so when you're trying to get to know someone.  Like when you're trying to share things with someone but they are just asking you to tell you about them.  TMI (Too Much Information) is another one, someone that talks down on themselves, probably someone that gets hammered on date.  That wouldn't be cute, unless I was too.
B:  Unless it was spontaneous?
K: (Laughing) yeah.  Someone that doesn't really have or can keep a conversation going.  People that don't have a sense of humor about things.

B: What about Physical things  you don't like; if they present himself in a certain way?
K: Have I met them?
B:  No, like your mom or sister set you up on a blind date.
K:  Somebody that's Bro-y.
B: Bro-y, I like that.
K: Oakley Shades
B: The big ones?
K: Any oakley's, they just aren't cute.  I have a thing about white sneakers.
B: The gangster hispanic look, the white K-Swiss?
K:  I hate K-Swiss, the ugliest shoe ever!  Other than that I'm pretty flexible with style.  I think it would be funny if someone wore a tuxedo shirt.
B: What if they went full Tuxedo?
K:  I'd like that.

B: How about physical turn ons?
K: Ryan Gosling.
B:  That's like the third time he's been mentioned on here.  Maily said it, Ana, and now you.
K:  Well, he's very attractive but I just think there's something mysterious looking about him.  I'm attracted to that.
B:  OK, so real world
K:  Umpf...  Trying to think.  Someone with nice teeth, a good build.
B:  You don't have a certain type?
K:  No, I think I've dated the full spectrum.
B: Black?
K: No
B: Asian?
K: No, ok, maybe not the full spectrum.  I've just never been approached by them.  Maybe a black guy, but not seriously.  I look for someone that just takes care of himself.  If they are spending all of their time indoors eating, playing video games...
B:  That sounds awesome!
K:  Then I'd be turned off fast.  I like brunettes...
B:  It's funny, I've noticed that most blonde women, well, fake blonde women say blonde guys but Mexican and Asian's that I've talked to say brunette guys.  I have a theory on that:  White girls see all these models growing up that as are beautiful like Marilyn Monroe and the barbie doll and they want that.  So they see a blonde guy and that mate thing kicks in "We'll have the most beautiful babies with blonde hair".  But Asian and Hispanic don't have blonde in their culture so they don't ever think about it that way.  Like you covet what's close and you're attracted to what you see and what's close.
K:  hahaha.  Yeah, I think they are like that  but then when that one rare gene comes up and the kid has green eyes they are like "oh, that's the most beautiful baby ever".

B: Long term what do you look for qualities?
K:  What do you mean?
B:  Do you go into something looking for a long term relationship or just see what happens.
K:  I don't' really think about it in the moment, but usually I can tell if we don't have a lot in common then its just going to be a short term thing and see what happens.  In general I prefer someone that has more long term potential.

B: So what do you want long term?
K:  Long term...  I've had the worst luck dating and relationships.  I think maybe it's been pretty bad.  I haven't ever been one to call off a relationship.  Not that I didn't want to and I could see that it wasn't working, I wasn't in denial.  Sometimes I should break up with them and it's something I need to work on.  Its my worst quality.  That's what I haven't dated anyone right now.  I'll get very introspective when I'm in a relationship.
B:  Over analyze it?
K:  Yeah, to the point where I'll just be in my head way too much.  In reality it's ok on their part but I just think it to death.
B:  Do you just freak out so much about it?
K:  Yeah.  I try to play it cool but really I'm freaking out.

                                                    Sushi Break!!!!!

Just for the record we ordered an Eel roll, cajun roll, Mr. Sushi roll, sea snail sushi, salmon roe sushi, and a calamari roll.

K:  What are you going to try first?
B:  I'm not sure
K:  What is that one?
B: Salmon Roe!  You should definitely try that.
K:  Kind of scared...
B:  Why, It's just baby little Salmon you eat.  And they are tasty!
K:  (Tries it) It's alright, I prefer more variety in my taste.

B: What about life- what are you goals for life?
K:  That's a long list.  Ideally I'd want....
B:  White picket fence, dog, 2.5 kids?
K: No, I don't want kids.  I want to be successful in graphic design.  I know it's a long shot and I have a long way to go.  I want to be someone that's recognized eventually.
B:  Do you want to do it on a micro scale, like at your company or are you looking macro and globally?
K:  Yeah.  I want to move to England for at least a year and experience that.  I'll move there in a town home with my dog.  Or if not move to Austin.  Just as long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing then I'll be fine.
------ Sushi Break part deux----
B: Are you outdoorsy?
K: I love the outdoors.  Are you going to order something to drink, something with alcohol?
B: Yeah, sure.
K:  Ok,  I've just never seen you without a drink in your hand. (laughing)
B:  I usually don't drink during the week, so that's why.

And a large Kirin is ordered that we shared... very tasty......
Waitress: here you go, with beer sushi taste better.  I

B:  What about your Hobbies:
K:  Drawing, watching movies, I'm a big arts and crafts person but not that boring shit.
B:  So no scrapbooking?
K:  No.  I just like taking things apart and putting them back together.
B:  Like a meth addict, frankenstieing everything?
K:  No... I think I get that from my dad.  As a kid he was always remodeling and fixing things around the house.  I like reading sometimes, listening to music- I do that quite a bit.  Running, and playing basketball.  Playing tennis, yoga... I tried to take up longboarding but that didn't go very well.
B:  Do you have a bicycle?
K:  Not a working one
B:  Does it have training wheels?
K:  It's all rusted and the tires are blown out.
B:  There is a bicycle pub crawl in October.
K:  You know how ridiculous that is, a pub crawl on a bicycle?
B:  I think it sounds awesome.  My friend Amy lives in Deep Elum and will probably do it with me.  She's part of those bicycle hipster groups where you have to be a fixie to be cool.
K:  God.  I get so frustrated when people think I'm a hipster but I'm sorry I have really good taste in music and dress cool.

B:  Are you a music snob?
K:  Not at all.  I think any genre of music can have it's bad qualities and bands.  I'm more of a comedy snob.
B:  I know you said before you like Louis CK, what other comedians do you like?
K:  Demetri Martin, Hannibal Buress, Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart, Bill Burr, George Carlin, Chris Rock... I like most comedians, I guess my hate list is probably shorter.
B:  Who's on your hate list:
K:  Dane Cook.
B:  I knew you were going to say that.
K:  Why, do you love Dane Cook?
B:  No, But I appreciate what he's done for comedy.
K:  WHAT HAS HE DONE FOR COMEDY?
B:  He developed his own genre, he was regularly selling out Madison Square Garden and then had a lot of shows down on Hollywood. Back when he started all you could hope for was to do clubs and then get a sitcom.  The only comedians people knew at the time that hadn't died were Tim Allen or Jerry Seinfeld.  You couldn't do comedy and make money or keep it up as an actual career.  He also used social media to spread comedy which was a first due to the infancy of the internet.
K:  Do you think that's a good thing, because afterall they are following his comedy?
B:  I'm not a Dane Cook apologist by any means-  and I see what your side but the people might have gone to just see Dane but he came up with Bill Burr, Patrice, and some other amazing guys who were also there.  That exposes them to so many other great comedians.  I haven't heard his comedy since 2003 so I don't know how relevant or good it is today.
K:  I just think his comedy is very gimmicky:
B:   I watched a Patton Oswald set from 2005 that was basically 45 minutes of trashing Bush, that's not at all relevant now and was very much the go to gimmicky trend thing to do then.  I think you have to compare today's material to today's material with anyone.

(Side note.  Comedy has grown a hipster gene quick.  The UCB/ Meltdown followers are the worst at it. For some reason they feel "alternative" comedy is more pure or enlightened .  There are a lot of great comedians in that group like Maron and Pete Holmes but those are also the guys out on the road who can make anyone laugh and don't have set strictly tied to video games, cats, and sucking at sports.)

K:  What attracts me to comedy is when it comes from something that is probably pretty dark.  How the comic's perspective and switch it around.
B:  Any of the storyteller comedians have more of an art to it than the one liners for the masses that seems dumb down.  I don't care for Seinfeld's "What's the deal with Mayonnaise" kind of humor and People like Robin Williams just beat me down.
B:  What about female comedians?
K:  I'm Ok with most but I feel female comedians tend to rely on sex jokes too much.  Dick jokes aren't smart humor.  Anyone can make a sex joke or a dick joke.

A tale of Three Cities

A Tale of Three Cities

 The MEME to the right describes it perfectly.  I've spent the last 4 weeks traveling to hang out with some of my very best friends.  4 weeks ago it was Austin for a 30th birthday bash (unfortunately I brought pink eye down there with me causing a Typhoid Mary like reaction), then to San Antonio for the Rangers v Padres game at the Alamodome, home for a week, then to Bricktown in OKC.  Each provided for a different experience and they all (less Dallas) had at least one outstanding interaction from a girl I have never met and will probably never see again.  This leads me to the conclusion there is something either wrong with the water in Dallas or a misplaced sense of values.  What else could explain how these cities had so much different and yet their women were all amazing?

San Antonio
As long as you stay away from the tourist trap of the dirty river walk SA is one of the best places in Texas with some of the nicest people in the I've ever met.  I think SA gets a bad wrap from Texas' other larger cities.  Dallas is filled with self important ego's just aching to tell you about their car/ job/ Jerry World season tickets, Houston is (or was) the rap Mecca of the south known for oil money and the Rockets and the Astros, "Austin is weird" and screams "I'm not Texas, I was adopted, look how different I am!!!" while San Antonio just sits there south of Austin casually mentioning how many more NBA trophies they have than Dallas and Houston combined when one of them gets cocky about sports.  If either of them bring up the quality of restaurants or James Beard award winning chefs San Antonio gets a coy smile and laughs... oh, really Dallas you have founded the new Gourmet Taco movement or So... Austin, this whole Food Truck thing and locally sourced produce is your idea right... gotcha.  After 4 or 5 trips trips there in the last 8 months I can also say San Antonio claims the title of Best Looking Women.  No contest, hands down wins.  You're more apt to find a group of very attractive girls anywhere in San Antonio than those 3 other cities.  Not counting the UT Campus, but those girls are TWENTY and have a soul designed by Urban Outfitters and Tom's Shoes without any substance.
My last trip started with a Texas Rangers spring training game at Alamodome.  Watching a baseball game indoors on turf was a little different- the right field was 287'- never playing baseball in my life I'm sure I could drop one over the fence.  I almost figured SA would have chosen the Astro's over the Rangers with it's proximity to Houston, but the fans there were all behind the Rangers.  After the game we went to one of SA's many quick Mexican food places in the hospital district away from the stadium where 80% of the patrons were decked out in Rangers gear.  Here, as usual I saw a good number of attractive women, couples, and friends enjoying the evening while being in the moment and happiness of their friend's company.  There was a pleasant absence of cell phones sitting on the table or people more focused on their social media than the social situation they were presently in.
Saturday we made the pilgrimage to Chunky's burgers (http://www.mychunkysburgers.com/).  After our first experience there it has become a staple of my SA trips.  Besides being featured on Man Vs Food for their 4 horseman burger made with the Ghost chili they serve up a number or fantastic burgers.  My personal favorite is a 1/2 pound patty, fried jalapeno bottle caps, applewood smoked thick cut bacon, house made queso, and placed on Texas toast.  It's a burger I would start taking statins for.  Our routine is to place the burger order, grab a bucket of long necks, and hop on out to the patio to listen to whatever country music is playing while fading in and out of a burger coma.  On this trip we got lucky; due to an ordering mishap we accidentally ordered two buckets.  As we were taking out time enjoying the garlic parmesan fries and finishing off the burgers a group of local soldiers showed up with the intention to finish the 4 horseman burger.  Four attempted it, including one girl (Thomas, who was from the Air Force , and one finished it: Carey Norvell from the Army.  The one hispanic guy who tried puked and one guy who obviously saw Boondoock Saints too many times (he had "Veritas" tattooed on his finger) gave up pretty quickly after deciding the pain to fame ratio wasn't worth it, maybe he should have watched Boondock Saints before coming?  After the burgers were finished we found some Balcones single Malt Whiskey to try out at the house and then headed to 1919 sans one who left to attend a Toga party.

Blackberry Juliep at 1919

RJ heard about 1919 from a friend of their's and the idea of custom cocktails was intriguing.   After my experience at Smyth the previous Thursday I was interested to see the same idea executed differently.  Well, 1919 gets it right where Smyth doesn't.  About an hour and a half in I was sitting next to RJ, using about 1/2 of my stool leaning in to hear them when I felt someone lean against my back.  My initial reaction was someone was ordering and got a little close.  After a few minutes I turned and noticed they, SHE, was sitting in the over half of my chair.  I asked RJ if she was attractive as her back was turned.  Her friends were very cute and RJ confirmed she was very pretty.  I engaged her in small talk and realized she was very nice with a great sense of humor.  When she went to the restroom I described J and asked if she saw her walking around confused looking for the bathroom to please help her out.  Knowing how friendly J is R and and I agreed that J would give us the real scoop on this mystery woman.   As I hoped when they returned they were fast friends with J's approval.  After spending the evening talking with her it came to me as we were leaving that the depth and warmth of the conversation wasn't something that occurred to me in Dallas at any point I could remember.  Unfortunately a drunken friend of hers cut her night short.  In San Antonio I constantly encounter situations similar to that almost every time I go down there.  People just seem less guarded in general.

1919 menu

BrickTown (OKC)
Two weeks after my SA trip I once again hopped on Southwest and made the trip north to land of the (hated) Sooners.  A close friend of mine spends a good part of the year up that way for work.  His home is in Austin but his career requires him to be in OKC for a significant amount of time.  We've been trying to do this guys type of weekend for a few years but our work schedules never allowed it.  This time we just picked a weekend and made it work.  My thoughts about Oklahoma in general revolve around it being a meth heaven and  filled with people that think OKC is a big city with great food.  The flight down was filled with conversation from the two guys sitting on either side of me telling me where to get great Mexican food.  I just smiled uneasily while wanting to yell "I live in Dallas Texas and just spent the last 2 weekends in Austin and San Antonio, don't even attempt to tell me what you think is good Mexican food because I will think it's frozen TV dinner shit"... But I digress. 
About an hour into the trip we ate (shit nachos BTW, confirming my initial l thoughts) and found a great patio on the riverwalk area in Bricktown called Captain Norm's.  It's a pretty simple rum bar with a specialty in cigars.  My friend knew the waitress's working and I became friends with both of them rather quickly.  I designed my own cocktail for the weekend with Cracken rum, simple syrup, a splash of sprite, and a lime.  I also re-ignited my love of a great cigar as I puffed on a Cohiba and watched the sun set.  A local country act, Aaron Newman, was playing so we stayed there for the majority of the night.  At one point the bartender introduced us to some single girls there who just wanted a few guys to talk to.  Even though my friend and I had a few more drinks than we should have I had a great time hanging out with these new randoms.  I even tried to get them a little closer to our level by introducing the wonderfully dangerous Vegas Bomb to them.  They were very nice and kept an engaging conversation going.  When the bar closed we took off to do the whole thing over again the next night.  Saturday started just like Friday did- Capt Norm's patio with Alex and Toni serving us drinks.  We ran into Aaron (the singer from the previous night) and some of his friends and the night started up at around 3 in the afternoon.  With everything in walking distance Bricktown makes for a very fun experience.  We hoped around to a few different spots and then met up with Aaron right before he played at the Bricktown Brewery, after that is was off to JJ's.  For the second night a chance encounter with a girl led to 2 hours of discussing life, politics, humor, and travel.  She wasn't at all what I normally go for; Becky with dirty blonde hair, a swirl complexion, 5'8"ish and brown eyes was very surprising.  Cagey, obtus like conversation and and a fondness for Rachmaninoff and Drake were very appealing qualities.  On a side note as we were leaving the candy shop in Bricktown on Sunday before my flight the bartender said "You know, in the 2 days you've been here you've drank a bottle and a half of Cracken.  This drink is on me".  It was one of those proud yet disturbing moments, but completely explained my level 8 hangover.  I didn't finish the drink.

At Skinny Slims in OKC

Dallas
On each trip the flight home was very short but my mind was constantly thinking about the trip.  I love spending time with my best friends but the same theme about friendly, engaging conversation with girls I had never met kept creeping up.  This november marks 10 years of living in Dallas, yet in those 10 years I haven't met or had such strong conversations with women as I do each time I leave town.  I could definitely be romanticizing each situation since its very likely I won't ever see them again.  Maybe the constant is being out of a familiar element so I'm more free to say what I want but I don't think it's that.  The only other constant is the scene that is Dallas.  Dallas is filled with people looking to upgrade; their car, their job, their life.  I belive drive and ambition are a must and something I definitely look for in a friend or partner.  But at what point does it become detrimental.  Do you focus more on the things that you want to change than what's making you happy right now?  Do you end up settling later in life because your eyes were so focused on the idea of physical beauty that you didn't see how hazardous the other qualities were, do you get into a loveless relationship because it's safe rather than stand on your own, or do things work out wonderfully like RJ where you meet the perfect mate to have a disney like designed relationship?

Yesterday I went looking at new cars; there is nothing wrong with my car, its a great car, but I felt a "want" to see what else out there appealed to me.  I found something I really liked which was completely impractical but gorgeous and the price was decent.  But when the paperwork and numbers started to come through and they weren't going to give me what I thought was a fair deal for my car I decided I didn't want to lose that much.  I had the option to keep mine and take on a new car payment, but the idea of having two cars and two payments didn't appeal to me as much as the ability to use the money and see Columbia, Tokyo  or Copenhagen.  I guess like trading in cars life is a long series of compromises built around the perception of value of what you have versus what you want.

World of Pearl(s)

Due to my ridiculous schedule of traveling for the sake of traveling I haven't really had anytime to meet someone face to face to do an interview.  It's also almost summer and the single people that were once single have since become attached at the hip.  Which made me cancel the interview, fearing I would get a love story about how wonderful it is to be in a glorious relationship and perfect so and so is.  Besides boring me into thinking of trying Heroin for the first time that defeats the purpose of an open and honest Q & A.  Since I met Pearl back in 2010ish we've only hung out a few time in person; the rangers game of 2010, a few impromptu happy hours and then her birthday this past year which was held at New West. On the other hand her Husband/man-child and I hang out a lot which probably explains why I don't see her.  Since she's part Mexican she makes sure she or someone responsible is watching their kids.  She doesn't let her German side take over and let the 9 year old watch the 7 year old... Or however old they are....  they talk and go to school but can't drive, so 9 and 7 sounds correct.  She's been in a relationship with Joe since they were.... 4?  Again, 4 sounds good.  Knowing that anyone in a relationship for that long would have some good advice on some things I decided to do an initial  email Q &A that at some point could transform into a "What would World of Pearls Do" based on real life situations.  She's also an amazing haridresser (www.bombshelllocksstudio.com) who has been at it for over 6 years so she's heard and dished out a lot of advice. 
I apologize right now for the all caps- she was emailing from her phone at the gym during a portion of it and the word translation to lowercase/ small caps/ did noting.

1)       What would you say is the most important thing in any relationship?

There are a few things, I believe, that are important in a relationship…1) Communication 2) Working as a team

3) Honesty 4) Love 5) Being on the same page … If those aren’t present then good luck.

2)       What’s the worst thing a guy could do in a relationship?  What’s the worst thing a girl could do?

I think everyone will agree with me, IT'S CHEATING! For both parties! I once had an English teacher who told me, if you lie…you cheat…if you cheat…you steal….if you steal….you kill. A little extreme but if you think about it there’s some truth to it.

3)       What makes a relationship last?

Friendship… As long as the two people involved are good companions and love each other…they can surpass anything.

There's more to it than that... using the friendship term is a supergay hallmark line. I think money, looks, and love make relationships last more than friendship. No one in the entire history of dating says (girl's voice) I'd really like to meet a great friend  Or we aren't in love and I can't afford my tacos but he's a greeeeat friend to me.

THEN QUOTE ME AS THE FIRST TO SAY THAT.  IT WILL WORK.  HAHAHA, WELL, YEAH BRAD THERE IS MORE TO IT.  IN THE BEGINNING YOU GO FOR LOOKS, THEN PERSONALITY.  IF THOSE CHECK OUT, THERE HAS TO BE A PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND THE REST FOLLOWS.  FRIENDSHIP COMES AFTER THE TOP TWO HAVE CHECKED OUT AND THEN IF THE RELATIONSHIP LASTS, FRIENDSHIP IS THE MAIN PRIORITY FOR LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS. BECAUSE IF IN THE LONG RUN THE ATTRACTIVE, GREAT PERSONALITY BECOMES FAT/UNATTRACTIVE THEN YOU STILL HAVE FRIENDSHIP/LOVE. 

Why is dating such a difficult process?

People aren't confident in themselves and not having confidence shows. Also going to the wrong places, you will find the wrong people. If you have personal issues fix them, no one wants negative energy around them. Last but not least, If you think you can change a person, YOU CAN'T, don't do that to yourself.

What differences do you see in the dating scene?

Women are just giving it away and men are never satisfied?! WAIT, IS THAT A DIFFERENCE?!? LOL

Women stop it!…have some self respect if you have to give it away to have him be interested in you, he was never really interested in the first place. Have some standards don’t settle for less than you deserve, you’re worth it! Men stop being ungrateful, if you get a girl who treats you good be happy you probably won’t find another one of those. If you do find another, Karma will come back and bite you for doing what you did to the past “good girl”. THAT GOES FOR WOMEN AND MEN

You said girls are giving it up too easy. Should there be a time frame like the 3 date rule or should it be once you have the expectation of monogamy?

I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE A GUY CHASE YOU FOR A WHILE.  EVERYONE LIKES A CHALLENGE, RIGHT?! OF COURSE MONOGAMY SHOULD ALWAYS COME INTO FACTOR.  YOU SHOULD VALUE YOURSELF MORE THAN GOLD AND RIGHT NOW GOLD IS PRETTY EXPENSIVE

It's actually gone down the last few days- maybe that will help me?

      

What’s your idea of the perfect date, and New West better not be involved?

Haha…Brad…That was the first time I had ever been there. The perfect date can be anywhere as long as you are enjoying each other’s company.

Again with the lame ass generic answers, which aren't like you at all.  Give me your idea of what the perfect date your SO would do for you.

PERFECT DATE: SCHEDULE A SPONTANEOUS TRIP ANYWHERE OUT OF SUPERFICIAL DALLAS (WHICH I LOVE) PREFERABLY CALIFORNIA.  I'M A CALIFORNIA GIRL AT HEART! LET'S DO RANDOM STUFF SINCE WE DON'T KNOW ANYONE THERE...HAHA

 What’s the best meal you've ever had?

The best meal I’ve ever had….that’s really hard because I love food! When it comes to food it’s the simplest things I love such as, homemade flour tortillas, sunny side-up eggs with sliced avocado & bell peppers….I love steaks, Medium-Well, please! With A-1 steak sauce.(I know people shrug to A-1 but I think it’s delicious) oh and my fat straws, extra bubbles! Oh a new attraction is Mediterranean food, really just kabobs. I really appreciate food more than it knows.

Not to name names but whats the most broken or crazy relationship you've ever seen?

I DON'T KNOW TO BE HONEST, I THINK EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS ITS OWN BATTLES. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE PAIRING UP TOGETHER AND COMMUNICATING. THAT'S HARD ENOUGH..

 Do you think any movie about relationships has it correct?

Yes! I love the movie “He’s just not that into you”, it’s so good and so true, all of it! Although everyone secretly wants the 16 candles ending....such a great movie.

Is there anything that can happen in a relationship that is absolute end all?

Yes, when trust is broken…you can repair it but it’s like red wine on white carpet. You can cover it up with a rug but it’s still right beneath the surface.

Do you think formal weddings are necessary?

No, I don’t believe formal weddings are necessary. I think they are beautiful but a union starts from a committed understanding in between two individuals.

Do you think you’ll have more kids?

Um, No! I have my pair and they are great/perfect…why should I mess that up?? Plus college is really expensive.

What do you find least attractive in the opposite sex?

I really don't know??? hair, nose hairs ....hahaha

Being a hairstylist;  what are some guys and girls style that is played out? Is there anything wrong w a guy going to procuts or should he see a professional like yourself? 

PLAYED OUT STYLES; FOR GIRLS DEFINITELY THE DARK UNDERNEATH AND BLONDE/PLATINUM ON TOP.  SORRY BUT IT'S TIME TO HANG UP THAT CARD.  THERE'S OTHER UPDATED WAYS to GET THAT LOOK, .IF THAT IS THE LOOK YOU ARE WANTING.  FOR GUYS, IDK, MEN HAVE IT EASIER THAN GIRLS.  JUST FINDING A CUT THAT WORKS WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH A GUY GOING TO SPORTS CLIPS, BUT IT DEPENDS WHAT YOU WANT in a haircut!  I PERSONALLY PUT MY ALL IN EVERYTHING I DO.  I'M VERY METICULOUS WHEN IT COMES TO MY CAREER,NOTHING ELSE, LOL. I DON'T LIKE TO PUT ANYBODY DOWN IN MY INDUSTRY.  THE ONES WHO WORK HARD GET PAID IN THE END.  I DID THREE LONG, HARD APPRENTICESHIPS TO GET WHERE I AM AND KNOW WHAT I KNOW.  WHEN CONTINUING EDUCATION IN ANY FIELD IS KEY-EVOLVE WITH THE WORLD  

Grooming... what do you suggest guys should start doing that they aren't- same w the ladies? 

GROOMING, JUST KEEP WELL GROOMED.  PAYING ATTENTION MEN: YOU DO NOT ONLY GROW HAIR ON YOUR CHIN; THERE'S HAIR IN EARS, EYE BROWS, NOSE, ALL THAT STUFF- ATTENTION TO DETAIL. LADIES, HELL I'M PROBABLY GUILTY OF SOME OF THE STUFF, ONE OF MY PET PEEVES IS ALWAYS SMELL GOOD.

Just a note here- on my last flight to OKC I received 2 compliments while waiting to board on my cologne.  Chanel Bleu- definitely pick some up.  Plus the Chanel commercial with Brad Pitt is the funniest, most unintentional humor that makes no sense commerical ever.  Check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGs4CjeJiJQ  The second funniest is the Stephen Dorff Blu Commerical. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZishwAt_RM

That concludes part one folks!  Later this week I'm going to post my "Tale of 4 Cities".... It's pretty much a run down of how every girl I met outside of Dallas was awesome.  Even OKC- Especially the OKC girls- that's hard to say for a Longhorn.

A real Lifetime Movie Happened to me Friday Night or Who Not to Date

You remember the first time you watched 'Fear' with Mark Wahlberg or 'Fatal Attraction' for you older folks?  If you take the crazy part of 'Fear' mixed in with the horribly pathetic screen from 'Hitch' where Will Smith is sobbing uncontrollably asking "Why???" to his college girlfriend as he catches her cheating on him that would be my Friday night.

The plan for Friday was a simple one.  Ana and I were heading down to the Deep Elum Arts Festival to see what the local artists had to offer and get some drinks.  The night started out really well- the arts festival was meh but we hit up Anvil pub and then swung over to the Black Swan Saloon to partake in their wonderful whiskey concoctions.  From there it was off to Velvet Taco and then Social House where we hung out with an old friend. 

At some point in the night Ana mentioned that her Ex boyfriend, Brad Solomon, had been texting non-stop.  It started with the "We need to talk" and then progressed into "I have a gun and will either hurt myself or someone else".  Her brother was updating her to let her know he was camped out into the parking lot and then let her know he had left. About 2:00 I drove us back to her place and she said that he wasn't there.  Parking in front of her house I had a strange feeling and went ahead and grabbed the gun I keep in my car (since I am a CHL carrier).  We walked out and immediately heard "ANA".  He got out of his car and then went to the trunk to get something or make it appear that way yelling "ANA, ANA".  She yelled back something to the effect of him being drunk and she didn't want to talk and we walked inside her apartment   Once inside he called non-stop and threw small rocks up to her bedroom window like a pathetic 80's movie.  At this point she gave the phone to her brother where he answered and said that something bad was going to happen to me.  This is where I told her to call the cops but in whatever world she lives in this wouldn't do anything.  She said they'd come before when he did things like this (apparently a recent common occurrence) and they wouldn't do anything.  Personally I don't think they have ever come and he had just told her that or she never actually called.  I then go into the bathroom and she goes outside to tell him to go home.  Noting this wacko loser had said he had a gun and something bad was going to happen I go out there with my gun hidden in the holster.  I immediately tell him he is leaving and as non-politely as possible to "Get the fuck out of here".  He's dry crying and begging to let them talk and I'm telling him that he needs to leave, after threatening himself and then me needs to go now.  This is where he walks towards me and attempts to put his right hand in his pocket, not one to take any more chances and his gun comment fresh in my mind, I push him back with my left arm and pull out my gun with my right.  Ana and her brother get between us and I tell him he has 3 choices, go to jail, get the hell out of here, or get shot.  Ana talks with him some more and Paul talks to him and tells him to leave.  He does and within 5 minutes he txt her saying he wrecked his car and he's hurt.  Then a txt that he didn't, then that he's in the parking lot and needs to talk to her.... 25 times. At some point in the night she answers the phone and then goes out and talks to him.  I half expected him to be sleeping on her sofa with her when I left at 4am.

Looking back I'm so confused.... I've never seen this outright hilariously psychotic behavior expect on movies.  How does someone in their late 20's think this is normal behavior.  I also don't understand why she wouldn't call the cops.  The correct move in that situation is to play the adult card and call the police.  Yet, not only did she not call the cops, she went out twice to talk to this future mental ward case.  If you're ever at House of Blues and order some fries or onion rings, he'll be the one preparing them- make sure not to compliment the short order cook or smile at him, you could be the next one with a lunatic make shift squatting in your parking lot screaming your name.  Right up until that crazy ex part it was two friends who could make the world end with our behavior having a great, calm night.  For once it was a different crazy ruining the night....

The Best Sooner I've Ever Met

As the title implies Sarah, unfortunately, is an OU Sooner.  Thankfully though that's where the negatives about her end.  Unlike the other people that I've interviewed so far I only recently met Sarah through some mutual friends.  With all new introductions Maily warned her beforehand about my lack of a verbal filter; we all got along great and now Sarah and I have become friends pretty quickly.  Of Lebanese decent she grew up in Tulsa and then graduated from that god-awful school in Norman.  She left there (like most intelligent people) to come to Texas and teach your kids.  Braving all of my UT paraphernalia she came over last Wednesday to eat my first attempt at cooking an Asian inspired meal and answer some questions.  Since she's still alive I know I didn't poison her or if I did it's some exotic Asian virus that has yet to attack- sneak attacks are very common in Asian virus's. and Thumb wars.

B:  So... Current relationship status?
S: Single and bitter (slight smile).  I don’t want to date- I just feel like I want to be alone. I'd like to go into a hole and just be alone. 
B: Why?
S: From everything that’s happened with my last relationship. Have you ever felt like you needed something to define you?  I feel like that definitely defined me.

B: What do want to do in your alone time
S: Get back in the shape I was before I was married.  
B:  I didn't know you were married?
S:  Married, separated before our 1 year anniversary, and divorced for 6 months then I met (NAME REDACTED).

B: Why didn't the marriage work out?
S: He was Muslim and in the end he couldn't deal with me not being Muslim.  We met through friends and things were really good for awhile.  We dated for 6 months before we married and in the end he couldn't deal with my past, he couldn't get over certain things while hounding me about them.  I don’t hate him because of lot of it was family pressure but in the end we broke up because we had to.
B: Would you do it all again knowing what you know now?
S:  Yes. He was a good guy; born and raised Muslim and it just didn't work out.  No one has ever asked me that but yes.

B: Since you've already been  married and it didn't work, what would be your perfect guy?  Do you look for the perfect guy or do have standards that are more realistic and attainable?

S:  They're one in the same to me.  He would be hard working, honest, have a friendly/ social attitude, posses integrity and honor. Overall he'd just be a man.  I hate men that are pussies.  I also look for someone that is genuine and loving.

B:  What about height, almost everyone says tall- like six foot plus.

S:  I just want him taller than me, preferably in heels.

B:  How tall are you?

S: 5'1"

B: Awesome

B: What about chemistry, what do you look for on a date?

S:  I think the last time I went on a date was September, but in general table manners.  How he treats the server, how the conversation goes, I’m OCD so I look for random habits and other things.  Putting me first is something I want- choosing me instead of always going out with their friends or small thoughtful things. I've never had flowers bought for me.  While I know that's not a big deal its something that I want.  Just thoughtful things, on my birthday make it about me, show me you care.  

B: What about lack of chemistry or turnoffs?

S:  Being on the phone whole time or if you're in the car with them and they don't wear their seat-belt. 

B:  People still do that, I don't know anyone who doesn't wear their seat-belt?

S:  The guy I was with in Houston did that this weekend.  

B: Strange..

S:  Also someone that talks about sex the whole time.  That's annoying.

B: Do you think you'll get married again?

S: At this point I don’t think so- I’d like to but I don't think so.... I’d really like to, I really want kids.  I would have a kid out of wedlock if my dad would allow it but he would never speak to me again.

B:  Have you ever dated one of your friends?

S:  Yes - right away I knew it couldn't work out. It was built up too much and didn't work out.  That was the only time

B:  What makes you uncomfortable in a relationship?

S: People I don’t know- if random people start coming around that I don’t know.

I also know now not to ignore the red flags: Lies- inconsistency with friends or family, no job and not being financially stable.  You have to find someone who is going to save you and you save them. 

B: Do you think being in a relationship makes your life easier or harder?

S:  Both- easier in the sense someone's there to help pick you up without whatever your burdened with, harder because they are a pain in the ass. 

B: What do you think about love?

S:  Non-existent

B:  Does monogamy scare you?

S:  No. 

B:  Just right now it does?

S:  Yeah I don’t want anybody.  I’m extremely faithful though

B:  Since we both love food, what's your favorite place to eat?

S:  PF Changs, I love it.  I also really like Chaucer's sushi and Boiling Crab.

B: What's your favorite meal?

S:  My mom's cooking (big smile).  When I go home that's all I want is her cooking, she always asks me what I want and I'm fine with whatever she cooks.  My favorite dish of hers is this Lebanese meal with raw meat, tabuli, and cauliflower- that's the best thing I've ever had.

Singles dinner at my place

B:  What are some of your hobbies?

S:  Reading- I love to read, I used to love romance novels but not anymore.  I read a lot of John  Grisham's work too.  I'm addicted to boxing right now.  I have so much fun there, it's a great workout and they hold you accountable when you miss. TV wise I love snooki and jwow more than anything in the world. Snooki and jwow are the best thing to ever happen to tv.

B:  There is so much wrong with that statement

S:  Its brainless and mindless but I enjoy ever second.  I love reality TV

B:  If they were going to film a reality TV show about you what would it be called?

S:  'What the Fuck were you Thinking'

B: hahahahaha

B: Do you want something to drink?

S:  I'd love some water.

B:  You don't drink do you, I just thought about that from the singles dinner we had over here.

Pretty awesome painting 

S:  No, I don’t drink at all.  I don’t want to worry about a drink, If I'm dancing then I want to dance and not worry about getting another drink.  We're doing this painting and wine class tomorrow and I don't even drink (finished work on the left).

B:  What about vacation, if you could go anywhere in the world and money was no object where would you go and with who?

S:  I'd love to go to Beirut on the resort with all my friends to stay on the beach and party.  They also have a casino and I love to gamble and play cards.  Normally when I go I have to stay in small towns with my family.  Beirut is very expensive and I've never been when I can just enjoy everything about the city.  Realistically though it's Miami.  Laying out, going to the clubs and meeting pit bull and marrying him.  I’m finally working out and I want to show my stuff.  I don’t want to leave the country any more, after the last time in Paris where they were so rude to us I just don't care to go.

B:  What about Mexico?

S:  Yeah-Mexico, but that's just southern Texas

B:  What's your favorite season?

S:  Summer, right at the beginning and right at the end when it's not too hot.  A temperature where I don’t have to wear a lot of clothes.  

B:  What's the most beautiful thing to you?

S:  My family; all in one place, healthy and alive.

Fever Inspired Thoughts

Two of the members on my team have Bronchitis and both of them spent a significant amount of time in my cube last Friday.  Saturday the cough started, Sunday it increased, and by Monday afternoon I couldn't code for shit as my brain was boiling in a 101.4 degree temperature.  Monday night I went to bed at 7am and spent the night waking up every 45 minutes to an hour with a dry cough.  When my alarm went off at 6:30 there was no way I'd be able to make it in and be a productive employee.  I spent all day Tuesday and

Wednesday running a fever while sleeping and watching and replays of Bayern Vs Liverpool (A German team plays an English team in a game everyone else in the world calls football) and whatever documentaries I could find on Netflix. I also played the game where you close the bathroom door and turn on the shower to 8,000 degrees.  You punish yourself like this 4 times a day because its the only time of the day when you can breathe or have gone more than 3 minutes without a rib cracking cough.  My sanity came in the form of Texts from RJ, Cat, and then on Wednesday night Jamie came by after work to bring me Campbells soup, OJ, crackers, and Twizzler's- God Bless that women, next two bar tabs are on me James!!!  After the second day RJ decided it wasn't bronchitis but Arabian Super AIDS, I think I agree.  During the height of my fever, I wrote a few things that came up via text... below, however nonsensical is what follows:

"She", and most women that I know, have a crush on numerous guys at all times.   From listening to her and my other female friends discuss these pseudo fantasies I was confused why they didn't just go speak to the guy or manufacture an instance where they would have some interactions with them. Instead they would coo for hours in their head over the most insignificant details to further develop this imaginary version of a real person in their head: "He" wore a blank colored shirt which means he's sensitive, or I heard him talking about blah blah blah so it means he's a good guy who volunteers for charity, things like that.  It's almost as if they are more in love with the idea of the person in their head than the actual person.  Having figured that out I decided I'd try it out:

Hmmm... Who would I have a crush on...OK, so it has to be someone I don't know very well, it has to be someone I haven't had many interactions with or who I have close mutual friends with.  It can't be someone in a long term relationship because that's not logical, but I'm supposed to think like a women with a crush so it's supposed to be illogical?  No, that doesn't work- no long term relationship... (8 min pass) got it!

So.... what now?  I guess I'm supposed to take little bits of things about them to build them up in my head from our small interactions?   

Interaction #1 We met at a bar though a mutual friend, she was drinking wine- that means she likes wine and.... fuck. I'm not good at this.

Interaction #2.... Can't say that one, it'll give it away and isn't this supposed to be semi secret?

Interaction #3 Amy (Ep. 6ish Not so Crazy Amy) and I went out to Hibiscus during restaurant week.  While we were waiting to be seated said person was there with a group of people.  This means she likes to eat good food.... with friends...and save money... and donate to a charity for the North Texas Food Bank.  BAM!  I got that one.

You would think with 3 interactions I would have a lot more about the contrived personality of ____ than: She likes wine, she likes food, she has friends, and she's charitable.  Looks like I'm not as on point at developing a crush than my female peers.  I think I'll just ask our mutual friend when I see him if she's dating someone and take it from there.  Or Facebook stalk her to get real information.

Alphabrain contents

I know it's not possible but I think Miles Davis is actually raising my fever.  When I started this I felt semi-coherent and now it's 68 degrees in my apartment and I'm sweating bullets while seeing, SEEING, the notes of his trumpet come from my center channel.  Maybe taking some notropics (Alphabrain), choline, and OJ, right before this wasn't the best idea.  OR it could become an awesome idea! Lets keep rolling with this.

Best sick outfit ever!!

(2 hrs later).... Apparently I passed out right after the last sentence   I had to re-read it a few times because I could have sworn there was something about Rosario Dawson in there, but I guess not.  I hope it was in my dream.  It's also cold as hell in here, I need to put on my awesome zebra and leather house shoes and sock Monkey beanie, that'll keep me warm.  I think I'm done writing, like every other non-contributing member of society I'm going to turn on AMC to watch some movie I probably own on DVD....