Sometimes I think of Elaborate Ways to Kill You Slowly

Ana...

"Sometimes you're my favorite person in the world and sometimes I think of elaborate ways to kill you slowly".  That's about the best way to describe my relationship with Ana.  And probably her relationship with me as her response to that IM at work was "Hehehehe. Me too".  I met Ana about 4 years back at the annual Greenville St. Patty's day parade.  At one point before that we worked together at the firm that doesn't deserve to be named, but I didn't know her then.  I was instantly attracted to this skinny Latin girl whose dress was creative and a mischievous aura as she'd walk the halls with a friend of ours.   Ana and I have a dynamic together where we can talk for hours at a time, see an art exhibit together, or get annihilated and possibly set off a conflict between nations that will start WWIII.  At one point we dated, which in itself would've been the best train wreck of a reality TV show, and now we're just friends and colleagues at work.  It's hard to describe to Ana; she's not one to be put in any sort of predefined box.  The circumstance you meet her will forever shape your view and since that could be at the Nasher Sculpture garden, the dog park with Stewie and Brian (I named the 2nd one fool, quit trying to take my cred), or at a bar doing shots and double fisting a Michelob Ultra and vanilla Stoli with Sprint.  She's multifaceted, rarely has a negative attitude, and never afraid to try new things.  

Stewie (Right) and Brian (left)

Normally I cook for the folks I interview and provide some drinks to kick things off, but I was slammed at work and called in an pick up order to Oceanaire.  Living across the street from 25 restaurants has it's perks and last minute food decisions are one of them.  I tried to grab it and have it back before she arrived but surprisingly I was running late and she was on time.  My door guy informed me she he buzzed her up so I was already behind in my scheduling.  Standing outside my door she gave me a smile and some shit for not cooking but then I plated the food, popped the wine, and things just starting rolling...

B:  OK, so a week ago when I told you about this and I said I only interview my single friends your response was "I'm about to be".

A: haha- yeah.  I'm in the process of becoming single.

B: Well, you just went on a trip with him, does that still hold true- where did you guys go?

A. LA.  Oh yeah, on the plane ride home I definitely knew I was going to break up with him.

B:  I thought you guys were happy, is this a recent thing?

A: No, I've known for awhile but we had this trip planned and I wanted to see how things would turn out.

B: What are some of the issues? 

A: He's always complaining about people.  He doesn't like people and he complains about everyone he sees.    They don't even affect him or what he's doing so I don't see the point.  It's a waste of time but he always does it.  He's also a chain smoker and he hid that at first from me.  Wake up and smoke, eat- have another cigarette,  do something else and have another cigarette.  Not only is it annoying but it smells too, it's all over him and he thinks if he just washes his hands he doesn't stink but that doesn't get rid of the smell.  I was at Urban Outfitters and they have a book titled 'Dear Asshole'.  One of the pages was 'Dear Asshole Smoker'- I took a picture of it and txt him.

(edited)

(we break and I ask her how the food is)

Hook Em!!! Ana & Nemo (F Ep. 2)

B: Lets change directions- How was the trip?

A: It was fun, at first he was being all bitchy on the flight because he's scared of heights but once we got there we had a lot of fun.  I got this (mentioning her hoodie/ throw/ shawl thing.  I'm horrible at describing women clothes as you can tell) on the beach.

B: That's cute, looks really good on you.

A: We took a bike ride down the beach to Venice and checked everything out. It was a lot of fun, I like biking!  My bike had a little basket in it and could change gears.  It's very relaxing, riding on the beach.  If I had a beach I would do that shit all the time.  He was smoking as we rode though.

B: Hahaha.  RJ and I did that in SA.  We went to a real cool area not in the touristy riverwalk area, rented some bikes and rode all around this little co-op and saw the neighborhood.  It was a very good experience.  That's why I like biking, it's relaxing and not boring like running.

A: I thought about getting a bike now, I really enjoyed it.

B: When did you start getting frustrated in the relationship, back in December when we went to lunch with Clay you were bragging about your relationship and the necklace he got you.

A: It's funny, I've always watched those commercials where the women gets jewelry and they seemed like a load of crap.  Then he gave me this diamond necklace and I was giddy.  I wonder if it was that I had been programmed to think that for so long and it worked or I really liked it.  It was nice 2 hearts and a diamond.

B:  I know, I saw the Kay's jeweler's commercials with that necklace on all Christmas season.

A: It was Jerrod, but yeah.  I'm not sure why this time it was different.  Swa bought me jewelry before

B: A fucking wedding ring for one

A: (Smiling) Hey, I paid for part of that.  But he bought me a necklace, one that I really liked, it was gold with a circle that had diamonds all over it.  I guess this time I had that out of body experience; the programming caught up to me.

B: Do you think being in a relationship makes your life easier or harder?

A: Harder; I feel like I’m being held back.  I felt like that with all of my relationship, I don’t think they (the guys she dated) are up to my par. I think I'm more educated and advanced then they are.  

(Pause) I don’t think think I'm ready to lower my standards.

B:  Does monogamy scare you?

A:  What’s monogamy

B:  That explains that- only being with one person

A:  Maybe with the right person.  I think once your'e done with dating everyone then you can be monogamous.  There’s also the kind where you're monogamous because your scared of being without someone but are you monogamous because you want it and not scared?  You should (in your mind) be able to differentiate between the 2.  I feel more in control of myself than I ever have?

B:  What brought that on?

A:  Dating different people, different lifestyles, different views.  There’s other things out there than what you have been exposed to.

A:  I put a lot of trust in people and have a lot of hope at first.  I think there is so much more to people than what everyone else notices.

B: Like their initial perception?

A: Yeah, and then later I think maybe they aren't ready for that or maybe that's not who they were in the first place.  It's the same with me though.  Maybe I like to binge drink of the weekends or kill babies

B: I LOVE to kill babies!!!

A: hahahaha

A: A friend of mine asked me back in December what's the one thing you like about the guy your dating?  I couldn't think of anything, it took me two days to tell her something.

(Phone rings) Hold up- I told him I'm at Brenda's.

B: So what now?

A: I don't want to hurt him.  

B: (thinking: too late if he reads this) But can you afford the luxury to keep things going?

A: No, he needs to know.

B: OK- on to some random questions; real or non-sense

A: non-sense

B:We'll mix it up with some one word associations:

B: Green

A: Blue

B: Donkey

A: Kong

B:  Tron

A: The game Tron

B: Kids

A: Havoc

B: hahahahaha

A: Havoc for now, who knows in the future.

B:  When you go on a blind date or a date with someone you don’t know very well yet what do you look for regarding chemistry?

A: I don't look for Chemistry

B: Then what do you look for?

A: Here's my check points:

What do they do for a living, something with ambition

B: That didn't work, he's a fry cook

A: Well, looks, interests, how they present themselves, do they have manners, how attentive the are to me and what's going on.  I really haven't been on a lot of dates I'm kind of a....

B: Hook up girl? (laughing and joking)

A: No.  I just lower my expectations.

B: Have you heard that quote from 'Perks of Being a Wallflower'- "We choose the love we think we deserve", like that?

A: I haven't heard that. Sometimes I think people just use the faults they have, the things they've been in, and try to punish themselves for that.  I try to recognize that and not do that. try.  My personality is to be there for someone, to help them and at the same time I veer off for the wounded sad guy.

B:  I've found that as women get older they know more of what what they don't want than what they do want, which is the opposite when their younger.  

A: I think that's true.  You've been dreaming about what you want your whole life, but no one ever taught you to prepare for what don’t want.  I don’t want a relationship right now.  I keep finding the ones that need to be helped, not the ones where we can help each other.  I just don’t want to date right now and be single because I've had disappointments…  (trails off) disappointments

Poring some liquor for the Homie

.A: I'm getting to the age where I don't want kids.  At first I was jealous of my sister when she had her kid and all the attention and love she was getting.

B: Fuck, would YOU want Georgie?

A: Fuck no!  My sister is having another one now and that one will be good because the father is involved.  I guess at some point I just thought about it and wondered why am I pushing so hard for something that I don't even know if I want.  It should come natural.

(we pause and have some more wine and the conversion veers)

B: I heard something a couple weeks back- In dating women can never go backwards financially.  If she dates a guy making $50K she can never go back to dating a guy making $35K.  Guys can never go back sexually, if he's dating a freak or someone uber comfortable with their body they can't then date someone who has to have it pitch black and sleeps in onezy.

A:  I'd agree with that.

B: Back to some questions-  How would you describe yourself Politically/ Socially?

A: Politically: I just like to party; socially I like the mingling.  I just like to talk to people.

B:....

B:  What’s the last great book you read?

A;  We’re all going to die- the dinosaur book I showed you.  I actually thought of you, I was going to give it for Christmas but then I decided I wanted it.

B: What's the best meal you've ever had?

A: Fuck- the meal at Kenny’s ( Kenny's Woodfire Grill in Addison).  

B:  Which time?

A:  The first time we went. The service, the atmosphere, the location, all of that made it great. The food is also really good there and it doesn't feel pretentious.

B:  Yeah, I agree.  I really like Kenny's

A;  The atmosphere makes the meal and I love it there- they cook the best steak.

B:  The best comedian of all time is?

A:  Fuck… I don’t know of all time.  

B:  I would've thought you'd say Kevin Hart

A: Why because he's popular?

B: No because I know you like him and he's funny as shit.

A:  Right now it would be Kevin Hart.  I also like Chris rock. Currently it's Kevin Hart.

B:  What is spidermaning?

A: (Answer)

B:  YES!!! We have a winner!!!  First one to guess it correctly

B:  If money was no object what kind of car would you drive?

A:  My car.

B: Bullshit 

A: Oh! A Fiat 500. So I could park anywhere.  Their cool and no matter the space you can park them anywhere.

B;  What’s the most beautiful to you?

A:  The quiet sunset of the sky- the colors of when the sun sets and just being in the moment.